birthdays

happy birthday!
have a great one!
you're finally (insert age)!
hope your wishes come true!

i really detest birthdays.

i hate the way people expect you to feel so special on your birthday when in reality you still feel the same as you did a minute ago before the clock struck midnight.

i hate the way it reveals either the whopping several or the despondent few numbers of people who care about you enough to make sure your birthday is a day that is perfect and one that you feel loved and can truly be thankful for.

i don't want to know how many people care about me, or rather, not care about me.

im constantly afraid that birthdays will be sad, boring, and ordinary.

time please slow down, or skip the 18th.

had conversations about anything and everything, satisfied our sushi cravings, took lots of fail ootds (i give up tbh), waving at cute skater boys hehhe, ice cream @ merely and gift shopping at sephora. today has been great just being happy.

i have a job now! i'm starting next friday and i'm so scared as i've never worked before. i hope my coworkers are nice and work isn't thaaaat tough. and i pray i see nobody cause i rlly don't want to haha

can't wait for bkk! but before that, my birthday which is erm... unplanned. Bangkok seems so far away but i guess it's not that bad now that i have a job, and i really hope time will fly by super soon!

I've been demanding, unreasonable, rude, insensitive and always living in another world in my head.

I'm sorry if when you look into my eyes, it's not the gaze you used to know. the person you used to know.

I'm sorry if what you see now is a girl whose eyes are seemingly filled with hate, with confusion, with emptiness.

I'm sorry but I just need more time. time to figure out who i am, who i want to be, and where i have to go from here to get there.

so if you've stuck by me all this while - thank you. I really appreciate that. I have the worst of moods and I do, say, and feel many things you'd probably fail to understand. and on a side note, I don't either.

is it wrong to ignore problems in hopes that they'll go away on it's own? definitely. but it's the only way i can cope, the only way i know how to cope with things. call me a coward, call me whatever you like, but i am terrified to face my problems, to solve them and realize that I've lost more than I have ever gained.

“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too. When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who’s not full of hate, who’s able to smile and be carefree. So that’s who I have to be.”

lovely day

la petite + botanics

and finally tried matcha mc flurry, yay!

idk but i actually might do this eyeshadow look thing for prom HAHAHAHA

PLS DONT ASK ME WHY I PLAN MY MAKEUP

but not my dress hahaha